The Last Emperor Holds On To His Throne; Spider Snares Sandman

Fedor Emelianenko drives over another heavyweight hump in Tim Sylvia; Spider Silva puts Sandman Irvin to sleep...early

OK, allow us to cram before the results filter in. Let’s go straight to prediction time. Free-For-All doesn’t see anything wrong about conventional wisdom -- Fedor Emelianenko may struggle against Sylvia, but despite…oh, man. Sorry about that. Thank God for wikipedia.com (sherdog.com was mysteriously offline, or just too difficult to log on to at the time I was writing this piece), I just found out Fedor did win over Sylvia via rear-naked choke, in a record thirty-six fragging seconds! This is 10 seconds slower than Emelianenko’s submission-by-strikes win over the just-as-huge Zuluzinho in Pride Shockwave 2005, and three times as long as the Ukrainian’s fastest win, a 12-second wipeout of Hiroya Takada in Sept. 5, 2000 in RINGS -- Battle Genesis Vol. 6.

Starting with a left hook followed by a left uppercut in the clinch, Emelianenko launched nine head shots on Sylvia, knocking him down, before pouncing on the Maine-iac on the ground with more punches, eventually controlling Sylvia’s back and sinking in deep a rear-naked choke.

Emelianenko, the 31-year-old balding accountant-looking Ukraine-native has proved that he is (arguably) still the best heavyweight MMA fighter in the world, bagging the first-ever WAMMA (World Alliance of Mixed Martial Arts) heavyweight title. Emelianenko lost more sweat in the dressing room than in the ring with Sylvia. This is the second consecutive time that Sylvia has lost by choke (he tapped out to Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Noguiera by guillotine choke in UFC 81 just last Feb. 2). This proves, most especially in Sylvia’s mind, that to defeat someone bigger and taller than you is by taking him down and choking him out. Much like cutting down tall trees; even tall trees that hit back.

Who’s next for “The Last Emperor” Fedor? Bring on Randy Couture!

Or, if Dana “Kill ’Em All and Let the UFC Sort ’Em Out” White insists that Anderson “The Spider” Silva is the world’s pound-for-pound best MMA fighter on the planet, let The Spider eat more flies and bloat to 215lbs. Then Silva will be heavy and tall (at 6-feet-2 to Emelianenko's 6-0, the Brazilian is even taller) enough to take on Emelianenko. How about that, Dana dear?

Toughest

Then we can finally settle this who’s-the-toughest-mother-on-the- planet-or-at-least-in-the-MMA-firmanent argument. And in effect, find out who’s tougher, UFC or Affliction.

Sorry for digressing. Now back to our regular programming.

At the UFC, middleweight champ Anderson Silva proved that his knockout power has not been diminished with added poundage, as he took out James Irvin in a second over one minute. Irvin foolishly kicked Silva on the leg, opening up his defense to the opportunistic Spider who caught Irvin’s leg with one of his elongated arms (two not eight) and struck Irvin down with a right straight punch. More strikes on the ground and referee Mario Yamasaki was convinced enough to put an end to the punishment.

Much like Fedor proving that he is still worthy of the Last Emperor title, Silva is still one of the UFC’s supreme strikers (Quinton Jackson and Chuck Liddell might have something to say about that). Silva’s venture into the light-heavyweight ranks might be deemed successful with the knockout of Irvin, but that doesn’t really prove anything…yet. The inconsistent Irvin (remember his KO loss to the just-as-inconsistent Mike Kyle and submission by Kimura to the diamond-in-the-rough Stephan Bonnar?) is not in the league of either Jackson or Liddell, or mayhaps Kyle and Bonnar.

Don’t let it go to your bald head, Spider. Go back to the middleweight ranks and clean it up some more, maybe rematch with Dan Henderson (Hollywood Dan’s loss via rear-naked choke was decisive but you can always rumble again as HD is still good to go, and you know it), or Yushi Okami (whom you stupidly kicked on the head while both his knees were still on the mat, earning you a loss by disqualification). And there’s also Ryo Chonan, whose spectacular flying-scissor heel-hook submission win over The Spider almost broke one of his two (not eight) legs.

The Spider Silva is the current almost-unanimous pound-for-pound best MMA fighter right now in most lists, but we all know what that means. It only means he is ripe for the picking, if the 33-year-old UFC champ doesn’t retire now, in the next few years (nah!, make that in the next few months or even within a year) he will find someone stronger, faster, smarter to beat him.

In MMA, it doesn’t take much to pop a bubble or penetrate an armor. After Tito Ortiz and Chuck Liddell became champions and convinced everyone they were invincible, they came up against the rather lightly-regarded and definitely older Randy Couture to learn humility and respect for elders. Weren’t Ortiz and Liddell also pound-for-pound best in MMA before? Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Noguiera also held that title while still fighting in Pride FC, that is until he went up against a stoic Ukrainian named Fedor Emelianenko and was pounded near senseless, the Brazilian’s excellent submission attempts brushed off by Emelianenko like Brazil’s national debt to the World Bank.

History

Speaking of the Last Emperor, he could also learn from history. If he hasn’t yet, he should watch the Oscar-winning film, he was named after. The real-life last emperor, Pu Yi, was eventually dethroned not by another pretender to the throne but by the rush of history. Emelianenko, most likely, realizes his place in MMA history and its accompanying precariousness. Maybe the smartest decision he has made in his career was not to sign up with the UFC and be just another of Dana White and the Fertita brothers’ high-profile slaves. Instead, Emelianenko became an Affliction slave. That’s too harsh a term, actually. Emelianenko and all who make their living fighting would prefer to be called modern-day gladiators. Learn from history again. All those ancient gladiators who shed blood in the Roman Colosseum and elsewhere were either captured enemy soldiers or slaves who preferred killing other humans over lifting rocks in some remote quarry.

That’s enough on history.

The fighters who were expected to win won. But the real battle wasn’t really in the ring or Octagon; it was fought in the ticket gates and pay-per-view ratings. Affliction: Banned would have been more aptly titled Affliction: Stacked, because the T-shirt giant’s initial venture into mixed-martial-arts promotion was just that, stacked to the ceiling. Rumor has it that Affliction spent $2 million to put up Banned. If Affliction broke even, it would be glad. If it turned a profit, it would be ecstatic. If it lost its baroque T-shirts to promote Banned, it can always go back to the drawing board and concentrate on selling shirts.

But whatever the financial results of Affliction’s initial MMA fight promo venture, you have to give it to Affliction; it truly was a great night of fighting. Banned, my derriere! Tanned is more like it. That’s what you call a healthy MMA fight card. Stacked and credible. What more can you say when you have Emelianenko and Sylvia, the top two heavyweights in MMA. Sure, only Antonio Rogerio “Minotoro” Noguiera fought that night, not his twin brother, Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro,” the better fighter of the two. Couture was there. He shook Fedor’s hand after Emelianenko won. Fedor’s brother (MMA brothers everywhere!) Aleksander was banned by the California State Athletic Commission from fighting Paul Buentello (hence, Gary “Big Daddy” Goodridge as replacement fighter) for health issues, a heart condition according to the grapevine.

Banned, indeed.

UFC, on the other hand, had a lame name for its lamer promotion -- UFC Fight Night 14: Silva vs. Irvin. How can that match up with Affliction: Banned? The UFC started this whole MMA thing on PPV cable TV, more is expected of them. In the first place, if the UFC wants to drive Affliction out of the MMA fight promotion business, why not schedule one of their flagship fights like Aug. 9’s UFC 87: Seek & Destroy with Georges St. Pierre defending his welterweight belt against Jon Fitch; or more appropriately, UFC 88: Breakthrough, with Chuck Liddell and Rashad Evans headlining the event when they battle for higher vantage point in the 205-pound division?

Only the all-wise Dana White knows. Well, the UFC is the UFC and Pride FC is Pride FC. Oops, forgot, UFC swallowed up Pride. Monopoly used to sound good to Mr. White, until Affliction: Banned, that is.

NEXT: The undercards.