Petruzelli's Turn At 15 Minutes Of Infamy

After Kimbo Sliced Off In 14 seconds

Four million three hundred thousand TV viewers saw Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson humiliated in 14 seconds. Talk about 15 minutes of fame and all that transitory glory certain individuals enjoy or suffer from. Mr. Slice had his temporal anomaly, his chance at disproving naysayers and he blew it. But not before cashing in on whatever amount of fame and glory that was available to him...and poor cash-strapped EliteXC. Slice reportedly got $500,000 for his troubles, $200,000 more than what Fedor Emelianenko supposedly got for battering Tim Sylvia in the more credible newbie promotion Affliction MMA's Affliction: Banned heavyweight championship bout.

OK, a bit of recent history. Ken Shamrock, once tagged as the World's Most Dangerous Man, was another in a series of tomato cans thrown Slice's way to add to the illusion of his being one of the, if not the, toughest banger out there. Shamrock, is not exactly a worthy opponent to who is supposedly the meanest mother in existence. Shamrock is a mixed martial arts pioneer who helped make the Ultimate Fighting Championship what is today the most lucrative MMA organization in the world with reported assets of at least a billion dollars. But having lost all of his last four fights since April 9, 2005, Shamrock at 44, is no spring chicken with everything to gain and nothing to lose in the MMA arena. But, yes, Shamrock had a lot to profit from with a win over Slice. But it wasn't meant to be, as Shamrock was deemed unfit by Florida state fight officials to go up against Slice as Shamrock suffered a cut on his eye during training. His adoptive brother, Frank Shamrock, a former UFC champion who is part of the EliteXC commentators pool, said that he was offered and agreed to take his brother's place but EXC brass realized that Frank was too dangerous an opponent. EXC said that Florida state fight officials did not clear Frank to fight. Frank said it was EXC promoters who blocked the proposal.

Whatever the truth of the matter, what is true is that the honor of exposing Slice as purely a product of Internet (particularly YouTube.com) hype went to Seth Petruzelli, a cast member of The Ultimate Fighter 2 who was dropped by the UFC after losing to Wilson Gouveia in 39 seconds of Round 2 by submission via guillotine choke in Fight Night 9 on April 5, 2007.

PINK SPOTS AND STREAKS. As the bell for Round 1 rang, Slice, pumped up by three wins in his short MMA career and at the sight from across the cage of a white boy with bright pink spots and a streak on his hair, rushed to his doom. A weak left jab by Slice at nothing was met by Seth (much easier to type and spell and it alliterates with Kimbo's faux last name) with a right-hand parry and right push-kick and a short right mestiza jab/overhand that missed, even as Seth backed off while maintaining balance. Slice kept on charging, letting go of a right straight that got nowhere. Seth kept him at a distance with another right push kick and the short right jab that landed on the face of Slice, felling him. With Slice down on all fours, Seth hit him on the back of the head with hammer fist.

Probably realizing he just did an illegal blow, Seth's next strike was on the right side of Slice's head. Hitting Slice on the shoulder with the next two punches, Seth kept on delivering power punches that made Slice turn and roll on his back, maybe seeking to get Seth in his guard, but Seth was relentlessly striking, forcing referee Troy Waugh to step in between the two fighters, pushing Seth away as a dazed Slice grabbed Waugh's left leg, thinking it was Seth's.

It was all right hands. Seth could have fought Slice with his left hand tied behind his back and still knock him out. He was that dominating and he deserved to celebrate like he had just sank a last-second 3-pointer to edge out the other team by a single point in the last game of a best-of-seven basketball championship game, or hit a game-ending home run in the bottom of the ninth.

No, Seth Petruzelli (no e) did not make like Ralph Macchio (no a) in Karate Kid with a crane stance after referee Troy Waugh stopped the punishment. Seth merely threw away his mouth guard and threw his arms up in celebration as he ran around the cage while Kimbo, half out of his mind, grappled with the referee. And, yes, one of the guys in the commentary booth was right to dig up a Rocky analogy. Seth Petruzelli was indeed Rocky-like in earning a win over the Apollo Creed-like Kimbo Slice. Not many expected white-boy Seth to pound out black-dude Slice. To distinguish MMA Seth from the Hollywood Rocky, it didn't take Petruzelli 15 minutes of pounding and a bucketful of blood to have the crowd rise to its feet and roar in unison. Fourteen frigging seconds...That's all it took. Even the fading power kicker and puncher Mirko “CroCop” Filipovic might have needed 30 seconds to take out Slice.

EXCITING COMMENTARY. If the outcome of the match didn't excite you enough, the fight commentary might have:

“And it's about to get serious. Slice quickly across...the fight is over...”

“Slice goes down. Slice in trouble. Oh, my goodness. Slice gets pounded out and they stopped it. Rocky, Rocky is here! Seth Petruzelli shocks the world!...Kimbo Slice is shooting on the referee. He is trying to get the referee down...The most incredible victory in the history of mixed martial arts. Seth Petruzelli!!!...It can happen! Believe!...This is what mixed martial arts is all about. If you have a dream. If you're willing to step into a cage and fight for your life, you!, can be anything you want...Kimbo Slice battered, bruised, bloodied...Seth Petruzelli, a young man from Fort Myers, Florida. His nickname is The Silverback. He came here tonight, found out that he would be the main event. And he has shocked the entire world of mixed martial arts!”

Well, shocked is not exactly the word for it. Try, amused. The casual fight fan, brainwashed by EliteXC and CBS' hype machine on the awesomeness of Slice would be stunned immobile on his/her feet or seat at the sight of the largely unknown Petruzelli taking out Slice in less than 20 seconds of the very first round. Who wouldn't, if you had figured out Slice to be the best thing in the fight game since Mike Tyson? Thirty pounds heavier, two inches taller, and with a reach four inches longer, the then undefeated Slice (now 3-1, 2 KOs, 1 submission), on paper, looked like an overmatch for Seth (now 11-4, 9 KOs, 1 submission).

Anyone skeptical of Petruzelli's KO win over Slice should be allayed that the former can really hit and hit hard. His MMA win-loss record is rather middling, unimpressive from a Western boxing fan's perspective. But in MMA, a winning record like 11-4 is a badge of honor and respect. Considering that Petruzelli's nine wins before the Slice fight included eight victories by KO and a lone submission, while his four losses were by way of three submissions and a decision, Petruzelli is a decent MMA fighter.

TRADITIONAL. Like traditional karatekas Lyoto Machida (Shotokan) who looks so cool in the Octagon he makes cool hot, and Georges St. Pierre (Kyokushinkai), Petruzelli (Shito-Ryu) didn't get stuck in his traditional base and explored other avenues of martial arts. Machida has done sumo and Brazilian Jiujitsu, St. Pierre wrestling, Petruzelli kickboxing, all of them are mixed martial artists.

Now, the bad news. In an interview, Seth Petruzelli claimed that EliteXC offered him money to stand up and trade punches with Kimbo Slice; meaning, if Seth had any plans of going to the ground to cancel out Slice's assumed advantage on strikes standing up, he better give up that notion for an x amount of cash. As it turned out, Seth did say that he planned to shoot or take down Slice.

On The Monsters in Orlando radio show, Seth said: “The promoters kind of hinted to me, and they gave me the money to stand and trade with him. They didn’t want me to take him down, let’s just put it that way. It was worth my while to try to stand up and punch with him.”

That is exactly the kind of dubiousness that EliteXC and mixed martial arts in general do not need. Growing by leaps and bounds after the novelty early years of the UFC in the 1990s, MMA has gained fight fans' interest, if not loyalty, for its brutal mystique and general reputation for reality, as opposed to the fantasy of the WWE nee WWF, the UFC of professional wrestling.

Critics (read: boxing purists and loyalists) are waiting on the wings to descend on every perceived weakness and fakeness of MMA. Slice-Seth I was hardly rigged: neither did Slice take a dive nor did Seth put a horseshoe in his glove, but that kind of talk plants the seed of distrust in the minds of fight fans.

Petruzelli did explain himself right after, saying that he didn't mean to say what people heard on the The Monsters in Orlando. He told yahoo.com MMA writer Dan Wetzel in a phone interview: “What that meant was they offer a Knockout bonus, Submission bonuses, Fight of the Night bonuses. I think it just got misconstrued.

“I wanted to have an exciting fight and I wanted the Knockout bonus, so I wanted to keep it standing...They just said, ‘We want to see an exciting fight no matter what happens.’ I took it as I wanted the Knockout bonus.”

This suspiciously sounds like backtracking and spin control by a professional fighter pressured by management to turn bull shit into chocolate cake.

This is bad news for MMA. But, if bad publicity is good, this is the kind of bad that is very good for MMA. Bad seed can grow into a twisted tree that bears edible sour fruit. Tamarind* anyone?

* Tamarindus indica (from the Arabic: تمر هندي tamar hindi = Indian date) is in the family Fabaceae.